Adrenaline rushes

 
 
Sometimes I get these adrenaline rushes that are so strong and fierce. I have supplements I take that blunt them for a half hour or so, then I have to take more. Sometimes even supplements can’t muffle it, and so I am forced out the door by the energy pulsing in me. It’s not fun energy though. It’s a toxic, angry energy that says, “I’m going to scream and hurt somebody if I don’t get out the door and walk the adrenaline off.”
 
Usually when this hits, I have to resort to angry iTunes. Yesterday it was Lenny Kravitz, and today Lady Gaga. I am carried by the urgency and anger, and it propels me forward. Today was a windy, hot day and I was sweating, but the wind was so ferocious it felt like it could lift me off the pavement. I imagined leaning into the wind so it could take me up. I wanted to just leap up and fly and shake the toxins and anger off of me, leaving it behind. But the right moment didn’t come for that to happen, so instead I imagined my anger and rage leaving me each time my feet hit the pavement. The walk ended up being cathartic, just as it usually does.
 
I think I’m detoxing some heavy metals. So be it. I will live in the moment and love myself through it.
 
While I was walking, I was craving chocolate chip cookies. I could even taste them in my mouth. I could smell the vanilla smell that is in really good choc. chip cookies. Which is odd because I stopped having junk food cravings about three years ago. And I know that if I tasted a cookie these days, especially a store bought one, it would taste like sand, crisco and sugar, and I would spit it out.
 
I usually don’t write about day to day symptoms, but sometimes I do feel the need to. This way, when I write my future posts sharing how healthy and 100% I am, people won’t be like, “Oh, whatever. She never had issues to start out with.” I do see my future healthy self quite often. So much these days, that I am my future self in the present more days than not. No rush, though. I’m so enjoying this summer. I want to capture every single moment and squeeze the life out of it.  Well, that sounds violent. But you know what I mean.
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3 thoughts on “Adrenaline rushes

  1. Hey AJ, you look refreshed and cheerful in that pic on the boat with kids. And again pretty as before in that last pic I saw…

  2. This was actually about 4 years ago, the summer before I got sick. Haven't been out on a boat since then, but I'm getting to the point where I'm thinking of going on trips out like that again. 🙂

  3. That is good news – to know that you are at a point where you are thinking of going out on trips like that again. Best of luck, buddy 🙂

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